Dateline: February 1, 2020
Q: Ok, Daytona is over. Who is your co-driver this season?
A: You mean ***REDACTED***?
Q: Cute. You said you would issue the big press release after Daytona!
A: Unfortunately, the powers that be over at immorworl haven’t gotten around to doing that yet. Something about being “out of town on a fancy-pants skiing vacation.”
Q: Can you at least leak us the team name? This immorworl thing sounds kind of creepy.
A: Well, I suppose. They won’t find out until they are back from skiing, after all. Drum roll, please.
<if you didn’t click the link above, make your own drum roll sounds>
For the 2020 GT4 SprintX season, scR motorsports will be teaming up with BimmerWorld. Pause here for dramatic effect.
Q: Seriously? Those guys are pretty hardcore about their BMWs.
A: Yes, BimmerWorld will be helping to write the GT4 chapter of the scR motorsports story. And no, they don’t know what they are in for.
No Photoshop this time.
Q: You’re sharing a car with the world-famous James Clay, then?
A: Good guess, but no. He’s too busy driving his other car over in that IMSA series.
Q: And this is the part of the newsletter where you tell us to be patient and wait for the co-driver press release later this week?
A: Exactly. But at least you know it’s not James Clay!
Q: You’re killing me. In the meantime, how about regaling us with the teenager’s take on all this?
A: Ask, and you shall receive…let’s hear from the teenager.
How did we get here, again?
It all started with a disease. Or maybe we should call it a “condition” to be more sensitive to the infirmed. No matter what you choose to call it, the fact that…
Wait. Wrong newsletter.
We’ve come a long, long way.
There was once an scR motorsports-driven car that WASN’T #34?
Apparently so. There were approximately four months (judging from the dates on the newsletters) before the sacred numerals arrived. Fortunately, this season’s special guest star, ***REDACTED***, is cool with that number. So, the streak will not be broken.
You’re not bound by any sort of licensing agreement or whatnot like your dad. Can you tell us who ***REDACTED*** is?
Yeah, sure. This year, James and ***REDACTED*** will be sharing The Secret Car in a further attempt to convince James that he is indeed a professional race car driver. Driving with ***REDACTED*** will be an exciting opportunity for James. Driving with James will be an exciting opportunity for ***REDACTED*** as well.
Stop it with all these ***REDACTEDs***. What is this, the Richard Nixon impeachment tape?
Maybe. I could be saying literally whatever I want under the ***REDACTED*** banner and you’d be convinced that you were missing something important.
Whatever. So, again, how did we get here?
Some combination of Outback Steakhouse, bump-drafting, checkered flags, black flags, red flags (!$%#ing Subarus), Hello Kitty, babies (including me), ***REDACTED’s*** Magic Hose, Texans, New Yorkers, Michiganites, Italians, Germans, Nutter Butters, Dairy Queen, NASCAR Turn 3 (which PC hit, in case you haven’t heard), power steering failures, concrete walls, ***REDACTED*** the Big Mouth Bass, rain, snow, inverted Saturns, excessive heat, napkins, sarcasm, the Law of Large Numbers, jean shorts, dents, champagne, good tracks (COTA), bad tracks (Portland), the worst newsletter ever, sponsors, lap records, sheep poop, YouTube, physics lessons (two things can’t occupy the same space at the same instant in time, remember!), weird, welded race trophies, the sad death of scR motorsports, the glorious rebirth of scR motorsports, the greatest newsletters ever written, and a titanium implant. It’s been a very, very long and winding road.
The original logo from 1997. Probably drawn in pencil on a Dairy Queen napkin.
I don’t remember half of those things. How come you do?
I’ve been through the newsletter archive many, many, many times.
There’s no link to the “greatest newsletters ever written.” And those would be…?
You think I’m going to say my own newsletters. HA! False. They are not.
Darn. Then which ones are the greatest newsletters ever written?
The ChumpCar newsletters will always be the best. The good humor that apparently flows from the exhaust of an old SC2, when combined with the excessive amount of friends, broken stuff, and the fact that the Hello Kitty duct tape legend was born there, makes for some of the funniest and best racecar reading material ever created by man. Mine are pretty good, too, in my opinion. But not that good.
Are you excited for this season? You probably know more about it than we do.
Well, of course I do. And yes, I am. I certainly hope that ***REDACTED*** will appreciate it if a few random stickers of former enemies mysteriously show up in the garage…
The VW Bros. Gone, but not forgotten.
Are you actually going to tell us anything revealing about next season or can I just stop reading right now?
Maybe I already did.
See you at the [secret] track!